That's why they call it work!

I admittedly work pretty hard at my job. Graduate students, as a whole, work harder than the average 9-to-5'er because we are supposed to be driven by our love of the subject, so why is it that sometime I feel like graduate school has ruined my love of science?

I, like most young scientists, am constantly treated with the expectation that all I want for my life is to become an academic researcher. There are the "holy grails" of the academic scientist - HHMI funding, the Lasker Award, the Nobel Prize, the unofficial title of "rockstar PI," however as much as I once coveted these things I now find myself vehemently turned off by the prospect of devoting my career to their pursuit. I just don't want to have my life THAT devoted to generating data! I like thinking about science, I like discussing science, I have even jumped up and down with excitement as I interpreted a really major result. At the end of the day, though, my enthusiasm does not boarder enough on obsession to really compete with the people who are successful PIs. When I go home at night, 9 days out of 10 I am fed up and frustrated with science and complain bitterly to my husband that, "I can't believe I have to go back and do it all again tomorrow!" Somehow, I do not think that this bodes well for a career in academic science.

It seems like somewhere, out there in the real world, there are people who love their jobs. LOVE them. Like wake up every day excited to tackle work kind of love. How can I get to be one of these mythical people? What are the secrets they are not telling us? Classical tidbits of parent and guidance counselor wisdom have the following advice on the matter:

-It's not supposed to be fun! That's why they call it work!

-No one REALLY loves their job every single day.

-Your ideal career is what you would do if money was no object.

Ok, so I don't think I dislike my job because of the hard work. Graduate students don't exactly clock in and out, and we are not required to work a certain number of hours per week. I put in the occasional 12 or 14 hour day because I feel the need to get stuff done. Hard work is not intimidating to me.

I don't totally buy the one about how no one loves their job every single day. Some people honestly do. I think it's ok to get frustrated every now and then, but should your ideal job be like marriage? I occasionally get frustrated with my relationship, but at the end of every single day I have zero doubts about whether I should have married my husband - on the other hand I constantly question whether or not getting this PhD was the right career path to choose.

And if money was no object? I'd love to just stay at home and some days I would do cooking and some days I would knit, other days I would write, or ride my bike, or go hiking, or... well, you get the point.

There is still the issue of how passionate I am about science in general - I really do seek out science information, just for the fun of it. Getting bogged down in the research and the stress of churning out results is what's bumming me out.

So, blogosphere, what do you think? Am I just on a futile, fairy-tale quest for the kind of career that does not exist? Or should I keep foraging on, looking for a way to meld my love of science and of "real life?"

Till Next Time.

Not Happy Deeds